“Always know the difference between what you are getting and what you deserve.” – Author Unknown
Recalling a conversation with a friend in which we were discussing dating… I mentioned what type of man that I am attracted to and what type of man that I attract and the person to whom I was engaging in conversation with stated, “Well friend, at this point we gotta take what we can get.” I am not going to lie, at first, I was like “YEP” … but after the conversation ended I started thinking about that statement and I said ever so loudly to myself, “HELL NO!” I do not have to take anything I don’t want to take. I will never settle in any aspect of my life… I WILL NOT SETTLE.
In previous years it is believed that women over 30 who were not married would have to settle for whatever was left over or just be single for the rest of her life. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I WILL NOT SETTLE #PERIODT… My age has nothing to do with anything… I don’t care what research, formal nor informal, says. You see, in previous years women were not as self-sufficient as women of today… for them a man provided the financial stability that they did not have themselves and they needed that security/protection. I DON’T! I have a successful career, I am a homeowner, I take care of all of my son’s needs and wants and mine as well… ALL A MAN CAN DO FOR ME IS BE A BONUS. Don’t get me wrong, would it be nice to have someone to help take up some of these bills, someone to come home to, and someone to help balance things out… ABSOLUTELY… but is it needed… NOPE!
Settling means that I discounted myself… lowered my standards… that I am thinking less of myself, and for what… a man… I think NOT. Do I want to get married… OF COURSE… but do I have to get married to someone just out of the sake of getting married… NOPE!
I have never, EVER had random sex… I never settled for just sharing the most secret parts of myself with just anyone… so you really think I am going to share my life, my home, my money, my food, my child, my BED with just anyone… I think NOT.
I understand that it is believed that women outnumber men in this country and if I am not mistaken women outnumber men in the world which makes our pickings slim… and when you factor in how many are in prison, how many are gay, and how many actually have something to offer beside sex and headaches then yes, the pickings are almost obsolete but again I say, “I WILL NOT SETTLE!”
Settling and compromising are not the same thing. For example, a compromise is saying that you will never date a man that smokes and then you meet a guy that checks all of the boxes on your list but he smokes… NOW IF YOU LET THAT GUY GO FOR SMOKING THEN YOU NEED TO REEVALUATE WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU… If he checks every box but smokes, a compromise can be made, and with time you can encourage him to quit and like Mrs. O’Banner says, “Everyone has their vices.”. However, if you date a guy who does not check any of your boxes just to say you have a man… THAT’S SETTLING AND THAT I WILL NOT DO.
We have all been there… we have all thought we needed someone because honestly no one wants to be alone… well at least that was my case anyway… but once I learned to be happy with just being with myself, a whole new world opened up for me. Being alone is not easy but it is definitely better than being with an “IN THE MEANTIME MAN (you know like a sit filler or someone to take up space)”.
Why do some people settle? … IN MY OPINION… It is my belief, which I developed through personal experiences, that some people settle because of…
- Loneliness: The feeling of loneliness is a horrible feeling, I can admit, but would you rather be alone or be in an ENTANGLEMENT with the wrong person… a person that is holding you up from connecting with someone that will help make you a better person. DO NOT SETTLE!
- Comparing yourself to others: STOP looking at those fake relationships on social media. I want you to ask yourself, “WHO REALLY POST WHEN THEY ARE SAD OR UNHAPPY?” (besides folks that want attention)… Linking up with someone just to have someone to take pictures with on social media IS NOT A REASON TO GET INTO AN ENTANGLEMENT WITH ANYONE! Most of those folks that are taking pictures for THE GRAM are just as unhappy as you are in your waiting season… DO NOT SETTLE!
- Thinking that God has forgotten you: Listen, you are always on God’s mind and I am a firm believer that whatever is for you he will give it to you when he knows you can handle it. As for me, God knew when I was begging him for a man (YES, I BEGGED GOD FOR A MAN), that I wasn’t ready mentally nor spiritually. He knew that with the mental state that I was in and the weak faith that I had, if he had given me the guy that he has for me then I would have ruined it. So instead of getting angry with God like I did, thank him that he waited on you to become the best version of yourself in all areas to give you the guy he designed especially for you… I know that God is going to send me someone special, and I am excited, impatient but none the less, excited.
DO NOT DISCOUNT YOURSELF, DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS, DO NOT GO AGAINST YOUR VALUES AND MORALS, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY… DO NOT SETTLE!!!!!!
Enjoy being with yourself, discover new things about yourself that no one else knows not even you, enhance your already known talents, love on yourself, speak kind to yourself, speak life into yourself… but most importantly LEARN YOUR WORTH AND DO NOT SETTLE!
The Chic Educator 🍎