Making “Sense” of Boundaries

“Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself.  It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring (just) because I don’t do things your way.  I care about me, too.” – Christine Morgan

The Journey to Healing (Phenix, Arizona)

According to Google, #Boundaries are limits set by people in order to create a healthy sense of personal space. As we continue on our healing journey it is very important that we understand the importance of setting boundaries in our life because boundaries will help to protect your peace, joy, and happiness. Boundaries can be set for anything and everyone… even yourself.

Sight: Setting boundaries for what you read and see is very important on your healing journey.  Consistently reading drama filled post on social media, gossip, and engaging in drama will only cause drama in your life. (and I am guilty of these things as well) You have to protect your sight by keeping your focus on your journey.  Most days, if not every day, I choose to read positive affirmations and scriptures to help comfort me throughout the day.  If seeing someone in particular brings about negative vibes it is ok to block them or simple not allow then in your presence.  For example, it use to really bother me to see my ex-boyfriend come down my timeline so I unfriended him.  Now I can’t lie I use to go and check his page but after a while I had a real talk with myself and I asked myself why would I go and visit his page knowing that what I was going to see was going to break your heart… and that’s when I stopped.  Once I stopped looking at his page I gained peace within my mind and heart because I no long focused on him and what he was doing or who he was with. You cannot take your eyes off of your goals or you will get distracted by what’s happening around you and lose sight of the purpose of your journey.

Hearing: Setting boundaries as to who and what you are listening to is super important.  Think about this, when you listen to someone or something it goes into your ears which then transfers that information to your brain.  If you are listening to negative thoughts, drama, or depressing, sad talks 24/7 then what do you think you are going to think about consistently?… NEGATIVITY… I can remember after my break up all I listened to was sad music all day long… my favorite songs to listen to at that time were Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton and the Lemonade album (Beyoncé).  I was listening to women talk about how bad their man hurt them so what do you think I thought about consistently?… how bad my ex-boyfriend hurt me.  When you are on your journey you have to feed your brain lots of positivity.  You have to speak life into yourself and listen to positive music, positive talks, and positive people… that is so crucial. I began listening to podcast that spoke about growth… spiritually, financially (still a struggle), mentally, and physically. I started listening to worship music and music that spoke about having confidence in one’s self. Once I began listening to positivity, I gained so much peace… and having peace in my heart and mind is my #1 end goal for my healing journey.

Smell: Setting boundaries of what you smell like is a thing believe it or not.  Have you ever heard the saying, “Dogs can smell fear.”?  On your journey you do not have time to give off the scents of fear, insecurity, or sadness.  The enemy will smell those scents and come in and try to take advantage of you in your weak moments.  The sweetest scent to the enemy is when you smell like all thing’s negativity.  While traveling on this journey you have to exude the scents of confidence, peace, happiness, self-love, love, and joy… all of the things that will send the enemy running in the other direction.  In order to smell positively sweet, you have to believe in yourself and know that although things may look bad now because you can’t see what’s ahead, things are going to work out on your behalf.  Be confident in yourself… it’s such a sweet smell.

Taste: There should be boundaries on what you taste.  What are you consuming and digesting daily?  Being mentally and physically healthy are important aspects on your healing journey because in order to climb hills, mountains, and swim rivers you have to be physically and mentally prepared.  Just as you have to feed your brain positivity, you have feed your body positivity as well.  Eating healthy and exercising is something that I struggle with daily.  I don’t eat healthy at all and if you know me personally then you know my daily meal consist of Oreos and sunflower seeds 🤦🏽‍♀️ 🤷🏾‍♀️.  But, there was a time when I was exercising and eating healthier and I felt so great.  I was happier and more confident; my thoughts were clear and my decision-making skills were healthier.  This rule applies to everything that you are consuming… DO NOT ALLOW WHAT YOU CONSUME, TO CONSUME YOU.  That is what I did, I allowed my depression, anxiety, and loneliness to give me a taste for all things unhealthy… however, recently I told myself “Listen gal, we are not living our life unhealthy anymore because we have too much to accomplish, see, and experience to die early because when we die we are going to die empty having lived out our purpose.” Don’t allow the substances, the opinions of others, negative thoughts, and unhealthy behaviors and foods into your body, mind, nor heart.  You have to consume only what is adds positivity to your thoughts and positive energy to your body.  

Feelings: Not having boundaries on your feelings can cause self-destruction.  I AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE.  When I was deep in my depression I allowed my feelings to cause me to be alone.  I allowed my angry, self-doubt, and self-loathing to take control of my life and I ended up by myself.  No one wants to be around an angry, bitter person who spews consistent negativity.  Listen it is ok to have feelings and to feel any particular way you please. However, you cannot take your feelings and put them on others as a burden.  Your feelings are your responsibility (like I stated before that was a hard lesson for me to learn).  One of my 5 quality friends, Candace, always tells me “Lynn those are your feelings and you have to learn how to control them.”  Controlling my feelings and emotions is something that I struggle with but now I am learning how to feel my feelings… allowing it to travel through my body and allowing to leave my body. I refuse to allow negative feelings to make a home in my body because the only feelings I have room for are peace, joy, and happiness.  When it comes to your feelings, you have a right to cut off any and every one that makes you feel less than, that causes feelings of bitterness, angry, and sadness because they are detrimental to your journey.

Setting boundaries for yourself will help you grow, heal, and become the best version of yourself.  And as you grow, you will become more aware as to what you are looking for in people, places, and things… it will help you become more aware as to what and who you are listening to… on your journey you will begin to pay close attention to the way you smell to other and the different things you consume and allow to consume you… you will have different feelings along this journey of self-doubt, loneliness, and self-loathing but you can’t allow those feelings to make a home inside of you… that is why it is so critical for you to grow your positive thoughts and positive energy daily to help keep you focused on the end goal of your journey to healing.   

Love, 

The Chic Educator 🍎

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